Laff-A-Day

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I am sure everyone has been watching the stock market plunge
over the last couple of weeks. Literally billions (with a ‘b’)
of dollars of value have been lost as markets around the world
plunged on worries about a U.S. recession.

It is a tragedy for a lot of people, except for the smart
ones like me who know how to invest properly. While everyone
who has their money in large caps, money markets and annuities
has taken a bath, my money is perfectly safe in Pacific rim
brothels and that Australian llama farm I invested in five
years ago.

And my mother-in-law called me an incompetent moron.

Savvyly,

TZ

“At the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, Santa and his elves
marched down Broadway. Tomorrow, they’re going down to Wash-
ington to get some of that bailout money.” -David Letterman

 

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This guy goes into the doctor’s office. The doctor comes in
and says “What’s the problem today?”

The guy whips out his penis and says, “Well, doc, I’d like
you to take a look at this.”

The doctor washes his hands, goes over to the guy and
checks out his package thoroughly.

The doctor steps back puzzled. “I can’t find anything wrong
with it.”

The guy says proudly while zipping his fly. “I know! Ain’t
it a dandy!”

 

“People do a lot of shopping on Black Friday. I do all my
shopping online. And by shopping, I mean pornography.”
 -Craig Ferguson

 

SUPER SIZE SHAMMIE
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Whether a woman fakes her orgasms or not is something the
majority of men would rather not question. This is in case
they discovered that she has been faking it all along, and
that they are not, in fact, the stud they thought women go
wild for. Rather, they are a pathetic creature with a
problem, who needs to be patronized.

For those of you who would prefer not to ask her, but would
still like to know, there is a simple checklist to help you.

1.  In the middle of lovemaking, and just before the moment
it sounds as though she is about to have an orgasm, stop and
take away the magazine she’s been looking at. If she says,
“Dammit, I was reading that!” she was faking.

2.  If her panting, groaning and screaming are in tune, or
sound like a familiar song, she can’t be concentrating enough
on the “job at hand,” and must therefore be faking it.  Or
else she really likes the song playng on her iPod.

3.  A rule of thumb, which is usually very accurate, is: stop
at random and record her response. If every time you stop she
says, “Mmmmm, you were wonderful, baby,” she is faking it. If
she says, “Don’t stop!” she isn’t. However, if she says “Don’t
stop!” hours after lovemaking has finished, it is possible
that she may have fallen asleep, and missed most of the ex-
citement. Remember these guidelines for future reference.

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           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
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END OF LAFF A DAY
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