Laff-A-Day

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Today is a date of astronomical interest: it’s a cross-quarter
date, midway between an equinox and a solstice. There are four
cross-quarter dates throughout the year, and each is a minor
holiday. One is Groundhog Day (Feb. 2nd), another is May Day
(May 1st), the third is Lammas Day (Aug. 1st), and the
fourth…? Happy Halloween!

So, folks, just like most holidays, Halloween ends up being
a holiday that is supposed to appease the spirits to ensure
the village that the crops won’t wither and be eaten by the
Devils. And knowing those wacky Druids, I bet they sacrificed
a few of the village hosehounds to the bonfire.

Anyway, originally called Samhain (pronounced sow-in), it
became Hallowmas once the Christians took over the land and
tried, rather unsuccessfully, to rid the people of their
Pagan practices.

Anyway, the most interesting part of the Samhain festival
was that the town jester was afforded the pleasure of all
the village women who remained alive. So, in keeping with
that tradition, please email me nude pictures of all the
women you have ever met so that I may pick from the lot and
pork a few–selflessly in the interest of keeping humanity
alive and fed.

Historically,

TZ

“May you wander over the face of the earth forever, never
sleep twice in the same bed, never drink water twice from
the same well, and never cross the same river twice in a
year.” –Traditional Gypsy Curse

 

THROW THAT OLD BULKY AND SCRATCHED CHOPPING BOARD AWAY…
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provides a sanitary work surface. Great for camping, boating,
picnics and RV’s. You can even fold the sides and it becomes a
funnel… great for your veggies. Oh yeah, did we mention its
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The Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex:

10. You’re guaranteed to get at least a little something in
    the sack.

9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it
   again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you
   some.

6. It’s okay if the person you’re with fantasizes you’re
   someone else, because you actually are.

5. Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next
   door.

3. It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and
   groaning.

2. There’s a lot less guilt the morning after.

1. You can do the whole neighborhood.

 

It is hard being black. We get the bad end of the deal with
every sport. Hockey your slappin a black puck around. Pool
you have a white ball trying to knock you in a hole. The
only thing we have is bowling, where you have a black ball
trying to knock down a bunch of rednecks.

 

THE PERFECT PEELER…
Amazing Perfect Peeler Saves You Time

Normal Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $4.99
Get two for $7.98

You probably saw this on TV selling for $19.99… well actually
you got two for that price, so the effective price was $9.99 each.

We made a deal direct with the company who puts them out and
we’ve discounted it to just above cost. We want to sell them
all. In fact you can get one for $4.99 or two from us for $7.98,
not $19.99.

Simply press the button.. Perfect Peelers precision blade moves
side to side and up and down for perfectly peeled potatoes,
carrots, apples & more - with almost no effort at all.

Compact, portable, battery operated Perfect Peeler can be used
anywhere. Perfect in the kitchen, cookouts, & camping. Built-in
corer removes potato eyes fast & easy… and it’s easy to clean.
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A Texan, an Englishman and a Frenchman are having a drink.

The Texan says, “I know this bar in Dallas that if you buy
one drink the next one is on the house.”

The Englishman says, “That’s great but I know a bar in
London where if you buy a drink the next two are on the
house.”

The Frenchman says, “Big deal, in Paris there is a bar
where all the drinks are free and they take you in back
to get you laid”.

The Texan and the Englishman are intrigued. “Where is this
wonderful bar?”, asked the Englishman.

“I don’t know”, replied the Frenchman, I’ve never been
there. But my sister goes all the time”.

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           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  <a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
  Laffaday Book</a>

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END OF LAFF A DAY
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