Greetings Laff Lovers,
We finally made plans for the fourth of July. This is actually
early for us. My family is the worst for making plans at the
last minute.
Anyway, we decided to go to my brother Nick’s house for the
fourth. He doesn’t know it yet, but he will. Probably
tomorrow when I’ll get around to telling him he’s hosting.
It’s his own fault. He’s the one who decided to buy a house
with a pool.
The kids love it. They spend almost the entire day in there
trying to drown each other, except for when they climb out
to devour several hot dogs and hamburgers each like a wet,
sun burned swarm of locusts.
It’s great for me. They’re preoccupied for four or five
hours and at the end of the day they’re so exhausted they
collapse in bed and the wife and I get the night to our-
selves.
I just hope it turns out like that. You never know with kids.
Skeptically,
TZ
“One former conquest raved that sleeping with Jeff Goldblum
was like, ‘Being caught in a flesh-storm with a 90 percent
chance of satisfaction.’” -Jeff Goldblum
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Handy Can-Opener – Open Cans Safely In Seconds…
Nina and Liz are having a conversation during there lunch
break. Nina asks, “So, Liz, how’s your sex life these days?”
Liz replies, “Oh, you know. It’s the usual, Social Security
kind.”
“Social Security?” Nina asked quizzically.
“Yeah, you get a little each month, but it’s not enough to
live on.”
“You keep hearing that society’s greatest tasks are educating
people and getting them jobs. That’s great. Two things that
people hate to do; go to school and go to work.”
-George Carlin
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A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling
faster than the posted speed limit. Since he was in a good
mood that day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and
write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the
man his name.” Fred” he replies. “Fred what?” the officer
asks. “Just Fred” the man responds. When the officer presses
him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have
a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase
on his hands but plays along with it. “Tell me Fred, how did
you lose your last name?”
The man replies… “It’s a long story so stay with me. I was
born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used
to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied
hard and got good grades.
When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I
went through college, medical school, internship, residency,
finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a
while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to
school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through
school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with
my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD
DDS with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my
DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found
out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so
they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.
Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I’m just Fred.”
The officer let him go without even a warning.
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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
Laffaday Book
———————————————————————————————–
END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
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