It was late last night when I finally crawled into bed next
to my wife who was still up reading a book. Despite it being
the end of a seventeen hour day I still had a little energy
left so I slipped a hand around her waist and said, “What
would you say to a little ‘oral’ activity?”

“That all depends…” she responded sleepily, “your face, or
mine?”

I took the road less traveled.

TZ

“A plastic surgeon in the United States has rigged his car
so that it runs on fat left over from liposuction. That’s
right, Middle East — a car that runs on fat. Now who has
the greatest energy reserves in the world?” -Conan O’Brien

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It’s the PERFECT cleaning cloth and has hundreds of household
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Did you hear about the Vicar in England who told his congre-
gation (including the small children) that Santa was dead?
If that’s not bad enough he also explained that it is com-
pletely impossible for anyone to deliver that many gifts in
such a small span of time. As a result many of the children
burst into tears and remained inconsolable.

When interviewed the father of one four-year-old girl and he
was beside himself. “Do you realize how much fast-talking is
going to be required to fix this?” he said in a crisp British
accent.

“I dare say the damage is irreparable. Why this is far worse
than priests fondling a few alter boy balls… This is down-
right unchristian.”

“A German billionaire committed suicide Monday because the
financial crisis has reduced his wealth from $13 billion to
$9.2 billion dollars. Well who could blame the guy? He’s
expected to live on $9.2 billion? The man’s gotta eat!”
 -Jay Leno

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Grab one or two… they’re great for so many things. Visit:
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LEATHER PASSPORT HOLDER (Black)</a>

“Marriage Definitions”

BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of
her alimony.

BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife
whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look
fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that
his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.

HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until
she doesn’t do it.

HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized
he had.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits
the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace
of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings,
and no recognition.

SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble
you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first
place.

WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having any-
thing to wear at the very same time that she complains about
not having enough room in the closet.

———————————————————————————————-

           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  <a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
  Laffaday Book</a>

———————————————————————————————-

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

I haven’t been feeling that well the last couple of days
(scratchy throat & runny nose) and I knew we were supposed
to get a few more inches of snow, so I dressed warm in a
turtle neck and sport coat.

As I was headed into our weekly meeting i was accosted by
Lewis. “Nice jacket. Which hobo did you roll to get it?”

“I think it was your father,” I said clapping him on the
shoulder with the hand carrying my snot rag.

“Jesus, TZ!” he yelled squirming away. “You’ve got more
mucus in you than a sperm whale.”

“Yeah,” I said sniffling, “and your wife has more than both
of us.”

Sharingly,

TZ

“Very bad news today: The porn industry is asking for a $5
billion bailout. Gives a whole new meaning to ‘give it to
me!’ This whole porn collapse would never have happened
under Clinton.” -Craig Ferguson

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Being married or single is a choice we all have to make.

It’s not a great choice….it’s sort of like when the
the doctor says “Ointment or suppositories?”

“It was a historic day when all four of our living presidents
and our president-elect had lunch together at the White House.
There was an awkward moment when Carter asked Obama to bring
him more bread.” -Jimmy Kimmel

MEMORY FOAM INSOLES
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“The thrill is gone from my marriage,” one buddy told another.

“Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?”

“But what if my wife finds out?”

“Heck, this is a new age we live in. Go ahead and tell her
about it!”

So the guy went home and said, “Dear, I think an affair will
bring us closer together.”

“Forget it,” said his wife. “I’ve tried that so many times
and it never worked.”

———————————————————————————————-

           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  <a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
  Laffaday Book</a>

———————————————————————————————-

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

We get to the mountain and the snow is great. I finally get
them in their gear and after a couple of runs on the bunny hill
it’s time for their first lesson. While they are doing that
I’m out exploring the runs to find one I’d be comfortable
taking them down. I ski all the runs and find the one that
offers the biggest margin for error.

I’m happy so I go check on the kids from afar. They are
doing great going up and down the bunny hill through a course
set up by the ski school. They see me and try to do their best.
They’re doing great and soon it’s time for their private lesson.

In this lesson they learn even more. Getting on and off the
lift, stopping in the middle of the run, turning alot and
learning to trust their skis.

At the end of the lesson I tell the instructor which run I plan
on taking them down.

In front of the kids she says, “Oh, no, that’s too steep. Take
them down the run all the way to the right.”

“Really?” I say. “Because that run may not be as steep, but it
is narrow and has a really tight ‘S’ curve at the bottom of the
slope. That might be tough for them.”

She smiles at me like I’m an idiot. “No, it’s better for them.”

She leaves and I try to take my kids to the run I liked.

“She said no!” they all say.

“She’s mistaken,” I say gently. “The run over there is easier
because it is wide open and gives you plenty of time to
maneuver.”

“No, Dad. We want to do hers!”

I consider beating the shit out of them, but there are too many
people around so I follow them up the lift. I’m with the 7 year-
old boy while the 13 and 10 year-old girls are a few chairs ahead
of us. I tell them to wait for me at the top, but they go down
right away.

When my son and I get to the ‘S’ curve we find my 10 year-old
trying to put her ski back on.

“I hit this big snowbank and fell.”

I laughed and got her on the lift again, this time insisting she
wait at the top. I see the girls at the top and tell them to
wait while I help their brother.

“No, we want to go!”

“Wait! Wait! Wait!” I call as they leave.

This time we find her in the same spot sitting down fighting
back tears. “I hurt myself. I want to go in.”

“You should have listened to me and waited. Now, get your shit
on and let’s go to my run.”

They all listened and that’s when the real fun started. They
were zipping down that mountain over and over, gaining more
confidence each time. Yeah it was steeper, but they loved it
because there was no pressure to turn. We would ski to the
mid-point, stop, regroup and ski the rest. Soon they just
skied the entire run without stopping. Then they were
racing. No wipeouts, no injuries just all fun. We closed
the mountain.

Over dinner we had a nice conversation. “Next time, you dumb
sons-a-bitches, you better listen when I say which runs we’re
doing. And if I say wait at the top then you wait until you
fucking drop dead of thirst, you ungrateful little shits.
Understand?”

“OK, Dad.”

Music-to-my-earsly,

TZ

“Because of the bad U.S. economy, many Broadway producers
have started taking their musicals to China. In a related
story, the entire cast of ‘Cats’ has been eaten.”
 -Conan O’Brien

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FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It’s important to have a woman, who helps at home, who
cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It’s important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3.. It’s important to have a woman, who you can trust and
who doesn’t lie to you.

4. It’s important to have a woman, who is good in bed and
who likes to be with you.

5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not
know each other.

The new stewardess was summoned to the office of the head of
the training program for a severe reprimand.

“I heard about that episode on your first flight, Miss Larson,”
said the director, glaring over the top of her glasses. “From
now on, whenever a passenger feels faint, I’ll thank you to
push his head down between his OWN legs!”

DIGITAL DESKTOP WEATHER STATION

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Features Include:
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- Displays The Moon Phase
- A built-in calendar displays time & date
- 12/24 hour time format
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- And YES, A Battery IS Included.

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DIGITAL DESKTOP WEATHER STATION</a>

During my brother’s wedding, my mother managed to keep from
crying—until she glanced at my grandparents. My grandmother
had reached over to my grandfather’s wheelchair and gently
touched his hand. That was all it took to start my mother’s
tears flowing.

After the wedding, Mom went over to my grandmother and told
her how that tender gesture triggered her outburst.

“Well, I’m sorry to ruin your moment,” Grandmother replied,
“but I was just checking his pulse to see if he was still
alive.”

———————————————————————————————-

           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  <a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
  Laffaday Book</a>

———————————————————————————————-

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

Last week was just one family visit after another. It was
emotionally and physically exhausting! Typically I tolerate
my family, but add the stress of the holidays (plus, not
all of them are abstemious like me) and they can turn into
a bunch of real pains-in-the-ass. At least I only had to
deal with the in-laws one day out of the entire week, and
that was a small blessing.

The one highlight of the whole week was last weekend when I
took the family skiing. I was a skier back in the bachelor
days, but have not had much of a chance in the last decade
or so. But the skills never entirely go away. It’s a lot of
fun and I decided it was time to introduce the brood to this
exciting (and expensive!) pastime.

There is a small tourist trap right on the other side of the
border in Wisconsin that has half way decent slopes (for the
Midwest) so I dragged everybody up there for three days.

It was an absolute blast. It was the first time I actually
enjoyed spending time with the kids in months. I’ll fill you
in on all the details tomorrow.

Slalomly,

TZ

“I dropped my iPhone in my coffee over the weekend. This
ruined my iPhone and my coffee. I lost my downloads, and
my coffee tasted like porn.” -Craig Ferguson

FULL SIZE United States Marine Corps Flag

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With this special price you save $15.00 off the normal price.
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FULL SIZE United States Marine Corps Flag</a>

The night before my bypass surgery, the doctor wanted me to
take a shower; which was fine with me, after three days of
using a basin and washcloth.

As I walked down the hall, I had a Nurse on either side. The
one asked, “Are you going to me able to manage OK?”

I said, “I feel weak and dizzy. Perhaps both of you would be
kind enough to get in the shower with me.”

The little blonde nurse looked up and said, “Nice try.”

Love is never having to say, “Oops! Sorry, Hon — let me get
you a towel.”

AMAZING REUNION BETWEEN LION & HUMAN - As Seen on The View
from Christian The Lion DVD… This will warm your heart!

Normal Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.99

If you do nothing else you must click on the link below to
watch this truly heartwarming video clip that comes from an
amazing TRUE story. This double feature DVD containing Animal
Adventure starring Christian The Lion and The Great Dan Patch.

Christian the Lion (which is the video clip you will see) is the
beautiful TRUE story about Christian the Lion as he is introduced
to the wild African plains for the first time in his life. After
years of being around humans, Christian considers himself a human
too. With George Adamson, the man featured in the classic film
‘Born Free’.

Then you get the bonus program ‘The Great Dan Patch’ about one
of the most remarkable race horses that ever lived.

Just click on the link to see this video clip, I guarantee you’ll
be glad you did. And you can pick up the DVD for just $2.99.
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<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/mp1us0“>
AMAZING REUNION BETWEEN LION & HUMAN</a>

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his
birthday.

After looking around, she found that all the pets were very
expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but
she didn’t want to spend a fortune.

‘Well,’ said the clerk, ‘I have a very large bullfrog. They
say it’s been trained to give blowjobs!’

‘Blow jobs!’ the woman replied.

‘It hasn’t been proven but we’ve sold 30 of them this month,’
he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if
it’s true…no more blow jobs for her!

She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy’s ability to her husband, he was
extremely sceptical and laughed it off!

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to
perform this Less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of
pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging
and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only
to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

‘What are you two doing at this hour?’ she asked.

The husband replied, ‘If I can teach this frog to cook you’re
gone.’

———————————————————————————————-

           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  <a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
  Laffaday Book</a>

———————————————————————————————-

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

Whew! Back in the saddle and it was a near thing. Taking a
week off can be more exhausting than going to work. I almost
called in ‘hungover’ today and I don’t even drink. The
problem with that strategy is that if I don’t show up they
won’t pay me.

I’ll give you some more details tomorrow after I get back in
the swing of things.

Distractedly,

TZ

“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an
airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team,
or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a
beer.” –Frank Zappa

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How do you get your husband interested in oral sex?
Douche with beer.

What do you call a gay gentleman from the Deep South?
A homo-sex-y’all.

What’s the most active muscle in a woman?
The penis.

How can you tell if a woman really likes oral sex?
She hikes up her skirt every time someone yawns.

How do you get a woman off during sex?
Push her.

Two guys are drinking in a bar.

One says, “Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times
a night?”

“Shit!” Says his friend. “I just joined The Elks.”

      Have Your Cooking Make Your Family Say “WOW”
       The Hottest Recipe Collection is now free

Come join Marzee in the Kitchen, you’re always welcome!
From great appetizers to some of the best and most popular
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family.

Along with a wide selection of favorite recipes from
Marzee’s personal collection you will also find a section
dedicated to some top secret recipes from your favorite
restaurants such as:

             The Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake
             McDonald’s Big Mac Special Sauce
                 Starbuck’s Frappuccino
               Along With Many Many More

You don’t have to be a four-star chef to cook great meals.
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Treat yourself today by reserving your copy for free
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Marzee in the Kitchen</a>

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is
stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and
approaches, “Can I help you Sir?”

“Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr”, the man replies.

The cop asks, “Where was your car the last time you saw it?”

“It wasss on the end of thisshh key”, the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man’s wiener
hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, “Sir are you aware that you are exposing
yourself?”

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and
without missing a beat, blurts out… “Holy shit! My girl-
friend’s gone, too!”

———————————————————————————————-

           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  <a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
  Laffaday Book</a>

———————————————————————————————-

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

Just the other day I was thinking to myself, “Where can I
see women flashing their breasts, a man eating vomit and
two chicks making out?” Come on, who doesn’t want to see
all of that crazy shit?

Today I have found a clip that features all of the criteria
listed above. I can’t believe that there is someone else
out there that thinks about the same things as I do. Scary,
eh?

Dreams really do come true.

Wishing-ly

TZ

P.S. Hey, would you like to win a FREE DVD? It’s free to
enter and winners will be notified by email. Just
click the link here to read the details and enter!

Visit: WIN this Presidential Bloopers DVD

Email TZ

Looking for a Laugh?
You’ll find them on EVTV1.com: Humor Video Clips

————————————————————

Last Week’s Clip Ratings

Nut Shot Montage

http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=10723

Rating: 3.6 out of 5

————————————————————
“I was a little surprised by this gift I got, but I
have to say, even after a year, it is still one of
my favorites.” - Bob

You too will love the Auto Seat Organizer. See why people
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Containing multiple storage compartments and see-thru mesh
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organized. See a picture of this or order (for just $7.99
or get two for $12.98 by visiting: Auto Seat Organizer
————————————————————

This Week’s Video Clip - Man Vs. Girls Gone Wild

In this spoof of the Discovery Channel show ‘Man Vs. Wild’
we find our survivalist in the midst of a Mardi Gras party
situation. Watch as he searches for food, shelter and other
means to survive.

Visit: Man Vs. Girls Gone Wild

Lewis was telling a few of us about a meeting he had with a
woman who told him that she belonged to a few “BBW” sites.
He said that she wasn’t the least bit reserved in announcing
that private fact to a table of strangers.

“If she really wants to increase the number of dates she goes
on,” I said, “you should tell her to join a ‘WWSC’ site.”

“‘WWSC’? What’s that?” one of the girls present asked.

I said, “That’s ‘Women Who Suck Cock.’”

Helpfully,

TZ

“Now here’s something historical. In January, all five living
presidents are scheduled to have lunch together. Clinton
suggested the VIP room at Hooters.” –David Letterman

SHAPE WALK THREE: Moderate to Fast Pace 4.2 to 4.5 mph
It’s time to Shape Up…

Retail Price: $12.99
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(Get two or more for $1.99 each - and YES you can mix
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These fun CDs make it easy to get your body moving. Made by
Shape Magazine with top Fitness and music professionals these
are tremendous CDs for anyone.

Top Fitness and music professionals compiled all time favorite
songs in a seamlessly blended, musically reengineered remix of
12 tunes first made famous by our favorite artists.

Featuring original vocal performances, this High Energy CD
contains songs: Get Up. Love Is Alive, Let The Music Play, New
Attitude, Jackie, Do You Want It Right Now, Love Rendezvous,
Pressure Us, No Frills Love, Sweet Dreams, Mr Vain, Push It.

To order this or see a list of other CDs available, visit:
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/qo16k5
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/qo16k5“>
SHAPE WALK THREE: Moderate to Fast Pace 4.2 to 4.5 mph</a>

Two guys in a bar are talking about their wives.

“My wife is mad at me again,” says the first.

“Why?”

“I was bombed at the bar across the street last night and she
came looking for me.”

“What’d you do?”

“I asked her for her phone number.”

… Mmmm, Mouthwatering Recipes For Free …
In The Kitchen With Marzee Book - Just Pay S&H Charges
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/186/a/498/l/vi89e0

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s
Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to
share that knowledge with as many people as I can. For
example, when someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

However, I do need some advice from you regarding some of the
other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem
is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.
Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you
think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she
is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24.
The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most
women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both
male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring
nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans,
but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

  “I was a little surprised by this gift I got, but I
   have to say, even after a year, it is still one of
   my favorites.” - Bob

You too will love the Auto Seat Organizer. See why people
get one for themselves and a month later buy another one
as for a gift.

Containing multiple storage compartments and see-thru mesh
pockets, your car or truck will always be neat, tidy and
organized. See a picture of this or order (for just $7.99
or get two for $12.98 by visiting:
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<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/ye82×5“>
Auto Seat Organizer</a>

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I
morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish
is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God
if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear
reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there
some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including
the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly
forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead
pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear
gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting
two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by
wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread
(cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme
a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
of getting the whole town together to stone them
(Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a
private family affair like we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these
things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you
again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and
unchanging.

———————————————————————————————-

           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  <a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
  Laffaday Book</a>

———————————————————————————————-

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

I hope you are enjoying your vacation, if you are on vacation
that is, because I am certainly enjoying mine.

Because of New Year’s I will not be mailing on the 31st or
the 1st. That means this is the last time I’ll be talking to
you this year. And it has been quite a year. Hopefully 2009
will be even better with more adventures.

If not, we can always fall back on dick and fart jokes. Hey,
stick with what you know best, that’s what I always say.

Happy New Year!

TZ

“According to an article about President Bush’s fitness
routine, during his presidency, Bush has spent 2,500 hours
walking on a treadmill. Bush says he only wanted to be on
the treadmill for 45 minutes, but he couldn’t figure out
how to turn it off.” -Conan O’Brien

CelebSLIM (30 Day Supply)
Just One Pill A Day… To Be Celebrity Slim

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Let’s face it most diets fail. Is what you are currently doing,
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you will notice a difference… we promise!

If after just two weeks you don’t:
1. Lose weight    2. Feel Better    3. AND Have Less Cravings

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the unused portion for a full refund of the 30 day supply.

For years Celebrities have been paying almost $50 a bottle for
this secret formula that works!

What Does CelebSLIM do?:
- Suppresses Your Appetite…    
- Curbs Your Cravings…
- Boosts Your Metabolism, without drugs…

Plus there is… No Caffeine! No Ephedra! No Jitters…

BEST OF ALL, Take only 1 pill a day to be CelebSLIM…
Grab a 30 day bottle… you have nothing to lose but weight…
Visit: http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/3s41e7
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/3s41e7“>
Just One Pill A Day… To Be Celebrity Slim</a>

Thomas Gladstone, a stockbroker, received an urgent phone call
one afternoon. “My name is Walters,” the caller announced.
“About two weeks ago, my wife got a crazy idea and started
walking the street, asking me to procure customers for her.”

“Just a minute,” Gladstone protested. “You want Dr. Gladstone
the psychiatrist. His name is right below mine in the phone
book. Many people dial me by mistake.”

“No mistake,” came the reply. “I want you to invest all the
money we’re making.”

50 War Classics on 4 DVDs for only $14.99
That’s Less Than 30 Cents A Show…
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/186/a/498/l/7k48×7

“I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page
records people’s accomplishments; the front page nothing but
man’s failure.” –Chief Justice Earl Warren

TRANQUIL MOODS DVD

Normal Price: $19.99
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WOW… that’s what you’ll say when you watch this amazing
DVD. Visually stunning it’s a feast for the mind, body
and soul.

60 minutes long, it s a rich mosaic of extraordinary record-
ings and visuals that will stimulate your imagination and
enhance your mood.

Featuring music composed by Beethoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky,
Dvorak, Peer Gyni, plus more, this DVD will captivate your
senses and bring you to a whole new state of relaxation.

You simply must check this out… and if you have high
def TV… it is awe-inspiring to watch. VISIT:
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<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/9638e1“>
Tranquil Moods DVD</a>

ADULT SEX QUIZ

Q.) What doesn’t belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs, or wife,but you can’t
    beat a blowjob.

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What’s the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What’s the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q.) Three words to ruin a man’s ego…
A.) “Is it in?”

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury
    Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.

Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q.) What do bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks,
    you’re screwed.

———————————————————————————————-

           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  <a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
  Laffaday Book</a>

———————————————————————————————-

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

Welcome to a new week, folks. I hope everybody had a great
holiday. Only one more big celebration left and then a whole
new year! So let’s get to it.

Festively,

TZ

“He was the world’s only armless sculptor. He put the chisel
in his mouth and his wife hit him on the back of the head
with a mallet” –Fred Allen (1894-1956)

   ** JUMBO Pop-Up Hamper - Save Space and Time **

Here is something you don’t have but NEED. Try this light-
weight hamper that folds down to 6″ and pops up to hold two
full loads of laundry. Ideal for college students, holding
toys, and all the laundry you can fit. The best part is the
nylon construction that makes this light as a feather.

Store it in the closet or in the corner of the room. We
guarantee this will help keep the kids’ rooms tidy. This is
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Jumbo Pop-Up Hamper</a>

Maurice comes home one day to find his wife Hannah, an English
teacher, in bed with his best friend.

“Darling,” Maurice cries, “how could you? After all the years
we’ve been together, I come home from work to find you like
this. I am surprised!”

“No, no, my dear,” says Hannah, “you are amazed. I am
surprised.”

Get Fit Like A Celebrity - Celebrity Fit Club Bootcamp DVD
*—->  Retail: $14.99  YOUR PRICE: $2.99 <—-*
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/186/a/498/l/w48ud1

“I was with this girl the other night and from the way she
was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn
that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag
on her toes.” -Emo Philips

Karada Cleansing/Detox Foot Pads

Retail Price: $19.99
DEAL PRICE: $9.99 (for package of 10)

Over 18 million foot patches are sold every month in Asia,
see what they can do for you. Japanese Detox Foot Patches
are all the rage and now you can get them without paying
an outrageous price… get them for 1/2 price while you can.

The Karada Cleansing Foot Pads are made from bamboo vinegar,
an ingredient Japanese scientists have proven has the ability
to draw out toxins from the body.

These foot patches are said to stimulate nerve endings on the
bottom of your feet which in turn stimulate the secretion of
lymph fluid. Using the Karada Foot Pads you have the ability
to pull out the impurities in your body by focusing on the
acupressure points in your feet. Best of all, they are so
easy to use.

Features:
- Helps cleanse your body by drawing-out chemicals & toxins.
- Includes 10 Patches
- 100% All-Natural formula made with real wood & bamboo vinegar.
- Easy-to-use individual wrapped packs

Get a 10-Pk for the low price. Save even more and get two
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Karada Cleansing/Detox Foot Pads </a>

I’ve been married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day
and said, “Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a
cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black
and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot
25 year old blonde.  Now, we have a nice house, nice car,
big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50
year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up
your side of things.”

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out
and find a hot, 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure
that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment,
driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed…
CRISIS RESOLVED!

———————————————————————————————-

           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  <a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
  Laffaday Book</a>

———————————————————————————————-

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

A lot of people have asked me about how I choose what clip
to use for the Laffaday Video newsletter. Well, I watch a
ton of clips until my ass itches and that’s the one I use.

Today’s butt tingler is great. Well, it more of a nad-acher
because of its content. A Montage of Nut Shots usually
causes that.

Testicular-ly,

TZ

P.S. Hey, would you like to win a FREE DVD? It’s free to
enter and winners will be notified by email. Just
click the link here to read the details and enter!

Visit: WIN this Presidential Bloopers DVD

Email TZ

Looking for a Laugh?
You’ll find them on EVTV1.com: Humor Video Clips

————————————————————

Last Week’s Clip Ratings

MadTV: Tickle Me Emo

http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=6139

Rating: 3.2 out of 5

————————————————————
CelebSLIM (30 Day Supply)
Just One Pill A Day… To Be Celebrity Slim

Retail Price: $49.99
DEAL PRICE: $19.99

Let’s face it most diets fail. Is what you are currently
doing, working for you? Are you ready for your next big
change?

Grab a bottle of CelebSLIM Extra Strength and within two
weeks you will notice a difference… we promise!

If after just two weeks you don’t:
1. Lose weight
2. Feel Better
3. AND Have Less Cravings

(not just one but if you don’t experience ALL THREE), then
return the unused portion for a full refund of the 30 day
supply.

For years Celebrities have been paying almost $50 a bottle
for this secret formula that works!

What Does CelebSLIM do?:
- Suppresses Your Appetite…
- Curbs Your Cravings…
- Boosts Your Metabolism, without drugs…

Plus there is… No Caffeine! No Ephedra! No Jitters…

BEST OF ALL, Take only 1 pill a day to be CelebSLIM… Grab
a 30 day bottle… you have nothing to lose but weight…
Visit: Just One Pill A Day… To Be Celebrity Slim
————————————————————

This Week’s Video Clip - Nut Shot Montage

It’s the worst pain there is. Blunt force trauma to the
boys, the family jewels, the twins, the marble bag, the
huevos, the unmentionables. Why is it so funny? Take a
look at some bizarre nut shots and try not to cringe.

Visit: Nut Shot Montage