Laff-A-Day

Posts Tagged ‘Bailout’

We deserve the humiliation.

November 6th, 2008

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Can you believe this? I heard on Jay Leno last night (and if
you can’t believe Jay Leno, who can you believe?) that the
attorney general of New York is now investigating nine major
banks for using our federal bailout money to pay bonuses.
Remember the $125 billion we gave them as bailout money?
They’re using it to pay executives bonuses.

Now, a lot of people will think that the banks do not deserve
to pocket that bailout money. I, on the other hand, think the
exact opposite. If we were stupid enough to give it to them
in the first place we deserve the humiliation of paying those
jackasses their hundred-thousand and million dollar bonuses
for running their banks into the ground.

Giving-it-away,

TZ

“The Department of Health and Human Services officially re-
cognized obesity as a medical illness. Doctors say symptoms
include shortness of breath and ‘wideness’ of ass.”
–Conan O’Brien

Ooops… the factory goofed…

Their mistake will save you a bunch of money on a pair
of Full-Size Binoculars.

The manufacturer has two versions of Binoculars, regular
ones along with a night vision model. Wouldn’t you know it…
the factory accidentally stamped the Non-night vision model
with the words Night Vision.

The mistake wasn’t caught until almost 2,000 pairs had been
made. We got these at a steal of a price and we’re passing
the savings on to you… Normally $49.99… their mistake
gets them to you for $14.99.

Your Binocular Kit Includes:
- A Built in Compass
- Black Mylon Carrying Case with Shoulder Strap
- Neck Strap (for binoculars)
- Lens Polishing Cloth

Grab one or two… they make great gifts and you’ll love how
well they work. Visit:
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/am0×13
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/am0×13“>
Full Size Binocular Kit</a>

A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said, “I’m
afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”

“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained.
“Tell me some good news for once.”

“Alright, here’s some good news,” said the secretary.
“You’re not sterile.”

“The Web brings people together because no matter what kind
of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you’ve got
millions of pals out there. Type in ‘Find people that have
sex with goats that are on fire’ and the computer will say,
‘Specify type of goat.’” –Rich Jeni

TIRED NO MORE…

Store Price: $24.99
INTRODUCTORY PRICE: $2.99

       “Studies show Ginseng is effective in treating
        circulation problems, fatigue, lack of energy,
        stress and anxiety.”

Throughout ancient history, Ginseng has been praised for its
exceptional nutrition value. Modern nutrition researchers
also regard Ginseng as a valuable herb because of its naturally-
proportioned wealth of vitamins, minerals, enzymes, & co-enzymes.

We’re SO SURE that our “Ginseng Energy” will help you, we’re
practically giving it away. For a fraction of the store
price you can get 60 pills to see for yourself what the
‘miracle of Ginseng’ can do for you. Grab a bottle by visiting
(Sorry there is a limit of five (5) bottles per order):
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/w489×6
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/w489×6“>
Ginseng Energy Tablets</a>

A business man packing for a trip glances in his briefcase.

“Honey?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Honey,” he says, in mild exasperation, “why do you persist
in putting a condom in my briefcase every time I go on a
trip? You know I only have eyes for you. I’d never be un-
faithful.”

“Oh, I know, darling, and I trust you,” she replies sweetly.
“It’s just that, well you know, with all those terrible
diseases out there, it would make me feel better to know
that if anything did happen, you’d be protected. So please,
darling, take it with you, won’t you? For my peace of mind?”

“Oh, alright, if you put it that way,” he relented. “I’ll do
it for you. But for safety’s sake, better give me a couple.”

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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
<a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
Laffaday Book</a>

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