Damned Dog
Friday, August 22nd, 2008Greetings Laff Lovers,
I overheard Magilla telling someone that his dog bit another
person.
“That little psycho should be put down,” I said. “How many
people has he bitten?”
“I don’t know,” Magilla said sullenly. “But I love that dog.”
“The dog’s a crazy piece of shit and should be shot,” I said.
“Who is his latest victim?”
“A kid on my son’s football team. Opened up a pretty good gash
on his hand.”
“It sounds like he should be euthanized,” said the other guy.
“But I love that dog,” Magilla said quietly.
“So get another dog!” I shouted. “One that’s not fucking crazy.
Guess what? You’ll love that one, too! And he’ll love you. You
can even give him the same name, or call him Milo II. And don’t
worry, a little peanut butter smeared in the right places and
your wife will love this one the same, too.”
Simply,
TZ
A fat lady rides the bus to work every day. Today she’s in some
discomfort because she has a pain in her lower abdomen. She
finally realizes that its just a tremendous build up of gas from
something she ate. The bus is quite crowded and she doesn’t know
what to do.
Then she remembers that pretty soon the bus will run across some
railroad tracks and it will rattle and bang and make lots of
noise. She will be able to pass this gas and nobody will know.
What she doesn’t know is that the bus driver also rides the bus
everyday and has grown tired of all the noise the bus makes when
it rattles and bangs across the railroad tracks. So last night
he stayed after work and had the maintenance crew tighten up all
the loose bolts and lubricate all the moving parts to quiet down
the old bus.
Well, here come the railroad tracks, the fat lady raises up on
one cheek and lets it rip. It was one long, loud, juicy sounding
fart. The bus didn’t rattle and bang like it usually did and now
you could hear a pin drop inside the bus as everybody
started looking around. The fat lady thought that maybe no one
knew who did it and that she should just act natural. She
thought she should just start a conversation with someone as
if nothing had happened.
She leaned over to the man sitting across the aisle and casually
asked him, “Do you have a transfer?”
He politely responded, “No I don’t, but the next tree we pass I
will try and grab you a handful of leaves.”
Having lunch one day, a sex therapist said to her friend,
“According to a survey we just completed, ninety percent of all
people masturbate in the shower. The other ten percent of them
sing.”
“Really?” asked the friend.
The therapist shook her head and proceeded to ask, “And do you
know what song they sing?”
The friend nodded her head and replied, “No.”
The therapist replied, “I didn’t think so.”
From The Family Guy
Peter: “Hey, what’s his name?”
Al Gore: “Dick Army”
Peter: “Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. No seriously what is it?”
Al Gore: “Dick Army”
Peter: “Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. Hey Dick, what’s your wife’s
name? Vagina Coastguard? ”
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw
an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
One of the students said to his friend: “I’m sure he has Petry
Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.”
The other student says: “No, I don’t think so. The old man
surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in
class.”
Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They
approached the old man and one of the students said to him:
“We’re medical students and couldn’t help but notice the way you
walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you might have.
Could you tell us what it is?”
The old man said: “I’ll tell you, but first you’ll tell me what
you think.”
One of the students said: “I think it’s Petry Syndrome.”
The old man said: “You thought………. but you’re wrong.”
Then the other student said: “I think you have Zovitzki
Syndrome.”
The old man said: “You thought………. but you’re wrong.”
So they asked him: “Well, what do you have?”
And the old man said: “I thought It was a fart–but I was wrong.”
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to others.
