Since the wife is out out of town I am in charge of dinner.
She left a number of coupons for the local pizza place
attached to the fridge before she left, at which I took a
bit of offense. I was a bachelor on my own for years before
we got married. I still know how to prepare a meal. So this
afternoon I’m off to the grocery store to do a little
shopping!

No pizza for me and my kids. Tonight’s menu will consist of
all beef hot dogs with macaroni and cheese and Bush Brand
baked beans. Parents these days need to take more time to
prepare a home cooked meal.

Rachel Rayly,

TZ

“A German airline is offering nude flights. The flights are
great for flight attendants. It makes it easier to spot the
guy who ordered the kosher meal.” -David Letterman

FOREVER GREEN BAGS – Package of 16…

Normal Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $5.99
Get Two Packages (32 Bags) for $9.98

Tired of throwing out rotten food? Green Bags prolong the life
of your fruits, vegetables and cut flowers without the use of
chemicals. Stock up on produce without worrying about rapid
spoilage or extend the life of your homegrown fruits & veggies.

HOW GREEN BAGS WORK:
Fruits, vegetables and flowers release ethylene gas while
ripening after harvesting or picking. Ethylene gas accelerates
ripening, aging and rotting. Green Bags absorb and remove this
damaging gas, dramatically extending the life of fruits,
vegetables and flowers.

FEATURES:
- You get 16 Green Bags (8 – 9″ x 15″, 8 – 12″ x 17″)
- Save Money… Waste Less Produce
- Reusable up to 20 Times
- Keep Produce Fresh Approx. 30 Day
- Reduce Vitamin Loss by 50%

It does all that with NO CHEMICALS! Get one package of 16 Green
Bags for $5.99 or pick up two packages (32 Green Bags) for $9.98.
Yep… you’re getting two for the normal price of one. VISIT:
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14363/c/120/a/498
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14363/c/120/a/498“>
FOREVER GREEN BAGS – Package of 15…</a>

A divorcee in her early forties was sitting at a bar one
night when she noticed a young, attractive black man just
a few stools away. She’d never experienced for herself if
the stories about black men were true, so she took the op-
portunity to buy the young stud a drink.

One drink led to another, and those led to the couple going
back to the divorcee’s apartment. Once there, the woman
stripped naked, climbed up in her bed, struck a sexy, come-
hither look, and whispered,

“OK, you gorgeous piece of chocolate man. Show me what young
black men do best.”

So he beat her up and stole her stereo.

“The Internet is full of men looking for dates for the in-
auguration. What ever happened to the Washington tradition
of getting a hooker?” -Craig Ferguson

CROSSFIRE SUNGLASSES (Gold or Silver)

Normal Price: $29.99
DEAL PRICE: $3.49
Get Two Pair (you can mix n match colors too) for $5.98

Slip on a pair of Crossfire Sunglasses and immediately you’ll
experience the meticulous craftsmanship and quality materials
used to create them. Each pair provides superb comfort, style
and durability. Plus they offer 100% UVA, UVB Protection.

Because of the great quality and pricing, you may want to pick
up a pair of Silver Crossfire Sunglasses too… and if you buy
two of any of the Crossfire Sunglasses you’ll save an additional
$1.00… You’ll get two pair for $5.98!
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/vl0ue0
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/vl0ue0“>
CROSSFIRE SUNGLASSES (Gold or Silver)</a>

Into the local pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d
just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his
nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he’s
walking with a limp.

“What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.

“Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,” says Paddy.

“That little shit, O’Conner?” says Sean, “He couldn’t do
that to you, he must have had something in his hand.”

“That he did,” says Paddy, “a shovel is what he had, and a
terrible lickin’ he  gave me with it.”

“Well,”  says Sean, “you should have defended yourself.
Didn’t you have something in your hand?”

“That I did,” said Paddy, “Mrs. O’Conner’s breast, and a
thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.”

———————————————————————————————-

           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  <a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
  Laffaday Book</a>

———————————————————————————————-

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

The wife has a girl’s night out tonight, which means I am
in charge of dinner. She left a coupon for the local pizza
place attached to the fridge before she left for work this
morning, at which I took a bit of offense. I was a bachelor
on my own for years before we got married. I still know how
to prepare a meal. So this afternoon I’m off to the grocery
store to do a little shopping!

No pizza for me and my kids. Tonight’s menu will consist of
all beef hot dogs with macaroni and cheese and Bush Brand
baked beans. Parents these days need to take more time to
prepare a home cooked meal.

Mister-Mom-ly,

TZ

“Today, the House of Representatives voted against the Wall
Street bailout plan, a plan which House Minority Leader John
Boehner called ‘a crap sandwich.’ Congress hasn’t given up —
they’re already working on a new plan they call ‘a crap sand-
wich with cheese.’” -Conan O’Brien

BARK CONTROL COLLAR
Do yourself and your neighbors a favor…

Retail Price: $14.99
DEAL PRICE: $9.99

Bark Control Collar makes pet training easy. The high pitched
tones, inaudible to humans, reinforce commands and dramatically
reduce training time by omitting gentle but irritating negative
stimulus when the dog barks, thereby calming the action.

Bark Control Collar requires one 9V battery not included.

WHY YOU SHOULD GET IT:
- Train your dog away from annoying barking with this smart
electronic Bark Control Collar.

- It will teach your dog to stop Barking.

- Teaches your pet to break the barking habit without pain, shock
or needless Trauma.

- Safe, Humane and Effective.

Do yourself and your neighbors a favor and get the Bark Control
Collar today.
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/vm6if4
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/vm6if4“>
BARK CONTROL COLLAR…</a>

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised
by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:
“An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is
under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from
an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in
a ‘compromising position.’”

“See, I have a problem with that passion business,”
responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage,
I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All
I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot
him.” She wasn’t selected for the jury.

Our pastor was winding down the service.  In the back of the
church, the fellowship committee stood to go to the church
hall and prepare snacks for the congregation. Seeing them
rise, Pastor Michael singled them out for  praise.  “Before
they all slip out,” he urged, “let’s give these ladies a big
hand in the rear.”

THROW THAT OLD BULKY AND SCRATCHED CHOPPING BOARD AWAY…
IT’S TIME FOR THE SPACE AGE FLEXIBLE CHOPPING MAT

Developed by scientists and used only by the finest chefs of
the world… You too can make the revolutionary Flexible
Chopping Mat a part of YOUR kitchen.

Perfect for cutting and chopping, the futuristic surface won’t
dull knives. Not only will it protect your countertops it also
provides a sanitary work surface. Great for camping, boating,
picnics and RV’s. You can even fold the sides and it becomes a
funnel… great for your veggies. Oh yeah, did we mention its
dishwasher safe and FDA approved. Don’t wait get three (3)
Flexible Chopping Mats for JUST $2.99 when you visit below:
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/nq0ox7
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/nq0ox7“>
Flexible Chopping Mats</a>

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck’s one day
discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes
the Greek guy says, “Well, we have the Parthenon.”

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the
Coliseum.”

The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced
mathematics.”

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the
Roman Empire.”

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he
thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sex!”

The Italian replies, “That is true, but it was the Italians
who introduced it to women!”

————————————————————

           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  <a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
  Laffaday Book</a>

————————————————————

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.