Greetings Laff Lovers,

Over the weekend I happened to catch a glimpse of some National
Dog Show event as I flipped through the channels. The dog on
the screen at the time was a white English sheepdog. It was
simply a mound of fur with four legs. The judge was brushing
back the dog’s hair so she could look at the animal’s eyes.

The TV announcer was explaining that each dog has to have its
eyes checked to make sure they’re the right shape, color, etc.

Another announcer chimed in with, “Well, plus the judge has
to see if the dog HAS both of its eyes. ‘Cuz if you start  
combing through all that hair and you only see ONE eye…then
you’re looking at the wrong end of the dog.”

Exactingly,

TZ

“A Japanese telecommunications company is working on technology
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when you’re downloading porn.”
  –Jay Leno

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I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other
day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights
we used to enjoy together. I couldn’t believe it when she
asked if I’d like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little
of that magic.

“Wow!” I said, “I don’t know if I could keep pace with you
now. I’m a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw
me.”

She giggled and said she was sure I’d meet the challenge!

“Yeah”, I said, “just so long as you don’t mind a man with a
waistband that’s a few inches wider these days.”

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me,
saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute.

“Anyway, I’ve put on a couple of pounds myself,” she giggled.

So I told her to fuck off.

Q. How can you tell when a woman is really hot for you?

A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like
  you’re feeding a horse.

[I know I've used this more than once before, but this is
one of my favorites...mostly because it's true.]

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Because he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly,
widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to
enjoy it with.

Going to a singles’ bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty
took his breath away. “I’m just an ordinary man,” he said
walking up to her, “but in a little while, my father will die
and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars. I would like to have
someone to share it with. Will you come home with me?”

The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became
his stepmother.

————————————————————

           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
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————————————————————

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.