I just enjoyed a gorgeous weekend with the family. The weather
was fantastic. We went to the park, did a little swimming, I
barbecued, I didn’t have to beat the kids once and I even found
time to golf on Sunday. And…the in-laws canceled their visit.

Sometimes it’s just good to be alive.

Satisfiedly,

TZ

“It’s been reported that Gov. Sanford’s mistress was a
reporter for an Argentinean news channel. This makes Sanford
just the latest Republican to claim he got screwed by the
media.” –Conan O’Brien

SUPER SIZE SHAMMIE
Made In Germany, Don’t Be Fooled By Others…

Retail Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.99
Get two for $4.98

Now is the time to get this FULL SIZED SHAMMIE for just $2.99.
Made in Germany don’t be fooled by others on the market that
just don’t do the job AND are more than triple the price!

Like on TV, this Super Size Shammie Absorbs 50% than natural
chamois. It’s extra large size of 27 x 17 can be cut in half
for smaller jobs. Durable enough for just about any task, but
soft and gentle enough for use on any surface.

It’s the PERFECT cleaning cloth and has hundreds of household
uses: floors, countertops, appliances, furniture windows, pets
and more. Perfect for washing car or boat, too!. Like on TV,
this soft, absorbent and non-abrasive cloth is 100% polyester
and will not scratch or damage any surface. Best of all… it’s
reusable! Just machine washable… but do not tumble dry.

http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/9u1617

SUPER SIZE SHAMMIE – Made In Germany…

We recently conducted a poll as to whether men prefer women
with large thighs or women with thin thighs. The results
were pretty surprising.

10 percent of those men surveyed preferred women with large
thighs.

10 percent of the men preferred women with thin thighs.

And the other 80 percent preferred what’s in-between.

“Transformers II has made more than $145 million worldwide.
It’s on track to be the biggest box office opening of all
time. It’s incredible — somebody has finally found a way to
make money using American cars.” -Jimmy Fallon

WIRELESS HEADPHONES
w/ Built-In FM Scan Radio

TV & Store Price: $14.99
OUR PRICE: $5.99
Get two for $9.98

These Wireless Headphones With Built-In FM Radio allow you to
enjoy music anywhere in your home or office without any wires
for up to 30 feet in distance.

They’re Easy To Use… The transmitter quickly connects to any
receiver, DVD player, gaming systems, computers and more
with the RCA adapter (included).

FIVE (5) FUNCTIONS IN ONE:
- Wireless Headphones – Internet Chat/Gaming – Audio Monitoring
– FM Auto-Scan Radio -Wired Audio Connection

This is one of those items that always sells out… grabe one
($5.99) or two ($9.98( while you can.

http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/ry6×35

WIRELESS HEADPHONES w/ Built-In FM Scan Radio

Things That Are Difficult to Say When You’re Drunk:

Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon.

Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You’re Drunk:

Specificity; Cogito ergo sum; British; Constitution;
Passive-aggressive disorder; Loquacious; Transubstantiate.

Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You’re Drunk:

Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex; Nope, no more booze for
me; Sorry, but you’re not really my type; Good evening, officer,
isn’t it lovely out tonight? Oh, I just couldn’t–no one wants
to hear me sing!

———————————————————————————————–

*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:

Laffaday Book

———————————————————————————————–

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

I called my wife this afternoon and immediately after she
said ‘hello’ I launched into my Texan accent.

“Hi ya’ doin’ there, little lady?” I drawled. “After what I
did to ya last night, I’m curious if’n yur havin’ a tough
time a-walkin’?”

“What?!” came the shriek over the phone line.

“I said, are yur loins sore from wrastlin’ with this here
longhorn last night?” I continued as hickly as I could.

“I think you want to talk to my daughter, your wife.” As the
phone was changing hands I heard my mother-in-law say, “It’s
for you.”

Unexpectedly,

TZ

“Today marks 100 days for Barack Obama. President Obama has
accomplished a lot. If you compare the last two presidents,
President Bush spent his first 100 days in the Oval Office
looking for the corner.” -David Letterman

ALL-IN-ONE SLIMMING BODYSUIT X-LARGE
Like Spanx But Less Than 1/2 The Price…

List Price: $39.99
DEAL PRICE: $17.99
Get two (mix and match any sizes) for $29.98

Now you can look slimmer and trimmer with this All-In-One
Slimming Bodysuit. Target all of your problem areas with
this one easy-to-wear lightweight garment.

The all in one slimming bodysuit will lift and support the
bottom, define your inner and outer thighs, sculpt the waist
and flatten your tummy. It’s virtually invisible under
clothes. This body shaper will instantly make you appear a
dress size down and give you a smoother natural figure.

- Keeps hips under control to produce sleek contours
- Wider leg band for comfort fit to prevent bulges
- Comfortable, light weight, 4-way stretch fabric
- Adjustable straps to improve bust uplift
- Suit Size Dress Size Bust Waist Hips

IMPORTANT NOTE: Sizes tend to run small, we suggest going a
size larger than your actual size. To get more info & see a
sizing chart, visit:

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14455/c/120/a/498

ALL-IN-ONE SLIMMING BODYSUIT – Like Spanx But 1/2 Price

[Call me lame...but I love this joke.]

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant and is told by the
maitre’d that there will be at least a twenty minute wait,
would he like to wait in the bar. So he goes and has a seat
at the bar.

The bartender walks up and says with a heavy accent, “What
you rike dlink?”

The man replies, “Give me a Stoli with a twist.”

The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles
and says, “Once upon time were FOUR rittle pigs…”

“Remember the good ol’ days when we thought the only bad
pork was in the federal budget?” -Jay Leno

DUAL-POWER DESKTOP FAN w/ Intelligent Speed Control
Superior Airflow Compared To Fans Twice The Size…

Sharper Image Price: $19.99
YOUR PRICE: $9.99

Cool off anywhere with this adjustable dual-power fan.
The compact design fits on a desk or tabletop. You’ll
love the that you can run it with DC adapter (included)
or 4 “C” batteries (not included).

Intelligent Speed Control incrementally adjust speed up
or down with the touch of a button! Choose from a light
breeze of full-power with ease.

Powerful high RPM motor runs quietly while providing
superior airflow of fans twice the size. But don’t worry…
it has finger safe blades. Measures: 5″ x 7″ x 4.5″.

FEATURES:
- Intelligent Speed Control
- On/off button resumes air at the most recent speed selected
- Can run on a DC adaptor (INCLUDED)
- Can run on 4 ‘C’ batteries (Not Included)
- Adjustable head directs air where you need it

Don’t let this blow by you… grab one for 1/2 the normal
price while you can. To see a picture or order, visit:

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14463/c/120/a/498

DUAL-POWER DESKTOP FAN w/ Intelligent Speed Control

An old man turned 105 and was being interviewed by a reporter
for the local paper. During the interview the reporter
noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages
playing together. A very pretty young woman of about 20 served
the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and
running errands for them.

“Are these your grandkids?” the reporter asked.

“Naw, sir, they all be my younguns,” the old man replied
with a sly grin.

“Your kids?” said the reporter. “What about this beautiful
young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your
children too?”

“Naw, sir,” said the old man. “She be my wife.”

“Your wife?” said the surprised reporter. “But she can’t be
more than 20 or 21 years old!”

“Thass right,” said the old man with pride.

“Well, surely you can’t have a sex life with you being 105
and she being only 20,” the reporter remarked.

“Naw, sir, ” said the old man. “We have sex every night.
Every night two of my boys helps me on it, and every morning
six of my boys helps me off.”

“Wait just one minute,” said the newspaperman. “Why does it
only take two of your boys to put you on, but it takes six
of them to take you off?”

“Cause,” the spry old man said with a balled fist, “I fights
‘em!”

———————————————————————————————–

*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:

Laffaday Book

———————————————————————————————–

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

The wife and kids are back and the house is back to its old
chaotic self. I enjoyed my taste of bachelorhood again, but
I have to admit I missed them. Even if I could go back and
stay a bachelor I wouldn’t. They’re my family no matter which
Chinese and Pakistani are the kids’ real fathers.

There is one snag though…how am I going to intercept the
cable bill so the wife won’t see all the pay-per-view charges.

Problematically,

TZ

“Iraq, as of today, is officially open to tourism. But I was
thinking about this. If you want to take a trip, a vacation,
to some place where they’ve got sniper fire, dangerous
streets, a lot of goat-based food, and random violence, just
come to New York City.” –David Letterman

MOVE OVER TUPPERWARE, THERE’S NOW SOMETHING BETTER…
Introducing Anti-Bacterial Food Storage Containers

Sharper Image Price: $69.95
Store Price: $29.99
OUR PRICE: $12.99

This 20-piece Food Storage Container Set promises to keep
foods Fresh… Longer than ever. Using revolutionary Nano
Particle Plastic, it prevents mold & germ growth. Your
fruits and vegetables will last up to three or four times
longer!

We’ve made this 20-Piece set available at a staggering low
price. We know once you try it you’ll love it and order more!
Don’t spend $30 or even $70 on a set… Get it from us and
in no time it will have paid for itself. Makes A Great Gift.

http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/hf2yj4

20-PC Anti-Bacterial Food Storage Containers

This is a fool proof Best Friend Test. If you don’t believe
it, just try this-

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an
hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

“A new study from the Centers for Disease Control says that
tripping over your pets causes over 86,000 serious injuries
each year. Worse — only 30 percent of those make it to
YouTube.” -Jimmy Fallon

MAGIC PEN & CALCULATOR TUBE…
You’ll spend hours trying to figure out how it works!

Normal Price: $5.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.99

This Calculator Pen Set is designed with a Magic case that can
be opened and closed by one way rolling. It is a wonderful
Gadget Gift and is also a practical Stationery Set. It’s compact
size is quite suitable for all mobile users as you can put it
in the pocket or small handbag.

* 8 digits Calculator
* AG8 button Cell Battery 1pc is included
* A metal pen for handy writing

Save more when you buy two or more. To see this amazing and
fun item, visit the site at:

http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/gh6ne2

MAGIC PEN & CALCULATOR TUBE

A middle-aged executive was becoming increasingly irritated
by the constant ribbing he was taking from the junior em-
ployees who couldn’t resist making fun of his baldness.

One morning, a particularly brash trainee had the gall to
run his hand across the older man’s gleaming head while
loudly exclaiming: “Feels just like my wife’s ass.”

With a look of genuine curiosity, the aging executive
rubbed his hand across his head. “You’re right,” he said,
“it does…”

———————————————————————————————-

*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:

Laffaday Book

———————————————————————————————-

END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.