Laff-A-Day

Greetings Laff Lovers,

The wife and I were having another row. Nothing serious. I
came home to find the kids stacked in front of the TV and
I suggested to the wife that they should be doing something
constructive instead of having their brains turned into mush.

She told me anything that distracts them for a couple hours
in the afternoon while she cleans up and gets dinner ready
is fine with her and if I want them to do something con-
structive I should come home a couple hours early and occupy
them myself.

Then I said…well, suffice it to say we “discussed” it for
several minutes before the subject was dropped. I thought
the matter was over but the wife maintained a determined
silence the rest of the evening.

Later that night, in bed, I snuggled up behind her and
started nuzzling her ear.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” she said, pushing my hand away.
“You’re still in the dog house. I can’t believe how insen-
sitive you were this afternoon. Sometimes I just don’t know
how I put up with you.”

“Hey,” I countered, “you’re supposed to love me no matter
what.”

Without turning over she answered, “You’re confusing me with
Jesus.”

High-and-dry-ly,

TZ

 

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Mothers come in all shapes and sizes. For example, an Italian
Mother might chastise her offspring for not eating by saying,
“Eat your dinner, or I’ll kill you.”

A Jewish Mother on the other hand would say, “Eat your dinner,
or I’ll kill myself.”

 

I’ve been married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day
and said, “Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a
cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black
and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot
25 year old blonde.  Now, we have a nice house, nice car,
big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50
year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up
your side of things.”

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out
and find a hot, 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure
that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment,
driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed…

 

I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When
brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the pun-
ishment for drunk driving in that state was.

I said, “I don’t know… re-election to the Senate?”

 

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Two guys in a bar are talking about their wives.

“My wife is mad at me again,” says the first.

“Why?”

“I was bombed at the bar across the street last night and
she came looking for me.”

“What’d you do?”

“I asked her for her phone number.”

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           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

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END OF LAFF A DAY
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