Laff-A-Day

Posts Tagged ‘God’

Thank God for Benjamin Franklin.

August 7th, 2008

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Magilla was walking by my office tilting his head while looking
at a document. “I can’t see shit!” he said.

I said, “You need bifocals.”

“These ARE bifocals,” he said adjusting his glasses.

“Well then look out of the bottom of them. Jeez, not only are
you blind, but you’re stupid motherfucker, too.”

Helpfully,

TZ

I’m Walking Here….

Here’s an item (the Telescopic Walking Stick) that I never
really thought I would use. But I decided to try it out
when we went for a walk along a trail a few weeks ago.

It was fun to use…. yes I said fun. When we would come up
to a stream, I would poke at things in it. I also used it
when I wanted to venture off the beaten path, just to make
sure that there were no snakes in front of me. Believe it or
not, it made the walk more enjoyable. Check it out and the
unbelievable low price.

Normal Price: $19.99
DEAL PRICE: $9.27

Whether you’re an avid hiker or just looking for a little
extra help walking around, the Telescopic Walking Stick is
just what you need. It’s fully adjustable to fit your height
and the spring loaded shaft helps reduce strain on your wrists,
back, knees, legs and feet. With a built in compass it will get
you through hard rocky terrain or just across the street.
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/c54d98
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/c54d98“>
Make Walking Fun with The Walking Stick</a>

“John McCain was at a big motorcycle rally in Sturgis, S.D.
John suggested that his wife could compete in the topless
beauty pageant. That reminds me of the time at the campaign
rally when Bill Clinton suggested that Hillary should com-
pete in the wet pantsuit contest.” -David Letterman

At a rape trial the young victim was asked by the D.A. what
the defendant said before the alleged assault. Too embarrassed
to answer aloud, the victim asked if she could write out the
answer. After reading the note, the judge instructed the jury
foreman to read it and pass it among the rest of the jurors.

One juror, who had dozed off, was nudged by the woman juror
sitting next to him. He took the note from her and read, “I’m
going to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before.”

The juror smiled at the woman and slipped the note in his
pocket. “Will juror number 12 please pass the note to me!”
ordered the judge.

“I can’t, Your Honor,” the juror answered. “It’s personal.”

“Only two more days until the Olympics. The skies over
Beijing are very smoggy. The government says the pollution
is just a harmless mist. They made a similar statement about
the treatment of prisoners — it’s not torture, it’s Pilates.”
-Craig Ferguson

ROBOTIC LED BOOK LIGHT

Store Price: $7.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.49 or two for $3.98

This is so cool… You can light up your book papers, lap-
top and more anywhere you go… on the plane, in a meeting
or in bed. Plus the LED light better for your eyes, reduces
eye strain.

DETAILS:
* Super bright LED light * Light opens with touch of a button
* Adjustable light angle * Portable Take with you anywhere

Get one of these for just $2.49. BONUS: Save even more when
you buy two or more, get them for just $1.99 each. This
makes a wonderful gift… and College Kids especially love
it. http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/v482t8
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/v482t8“>
Robotic Book Light</a>

Three blondes are sitting in a cafe talking about what to get
their boyfriends for Christmas.

“It’s funny,” said Samantha. “Peter’s balls are always cold
as ice when I blow him! I think I should get him some ball
warmers for Christmas.”

“You know what?” replied Jenny. “It’s exactly the same with
my Richard!”

They turn to the third blonde, Candi, and asked, “When you
blow Chris, are his balls cold, too?”

“Ugh! That’s disgusting! I never put Chris’s thing in my
mouth!” exclaimed Candi.

“You’re crazy,” Samantha piped up. “A good blowjob is the
best way to keep a guy! You should try it! It would make a
great Christmas gift for Chris!”

Candi says she’ll think about it. The next time they meet at
the cafe it is Boxing Day and Candi is sporting a wicked
shiner.

“Whoa!” the Jenny asked. “How did you get that black eye?”

“Chris hit me when I was blowing him,” Candi said.

“What on earth for?” the Jenny asked.

“I don’t know,” Candi replied. “I was giving him his
Christmas present like you two suggested. I mentioned how
strange it was that his balls were so warm, when Pete and
Richard’s were so cold, and he punched me.”

————————————————————

*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
<a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
Laffaday Book</a>