Laff-A-Day

Greetings Laff Lovers,

We had a nice, quiet weekend around the ol’ TZ homestead.
On Friday my wife took our son around the neighborhood
along with a couple of the other moms from our block while
I stayed home and defended the house from eggs, shaving
cream and toilet paper.

With the mild weather we had I was expecting a flood of
grubby, little moochers, but it was actually pretty slow,
probably because of the curfew they try to enforce. The
town I live in wants all of the trick-or-treaters off the
streets by eight p.m.

I don’t know about the rest of you…but when I was a kid
we trick-or-treated almost from the minute school let out
until about 10:30…or until people stopped answering the
door. But I guess the way things are now-a-days makes that
a little too dangerous.

It’s a damn shame, isn’t it? On the other hand I was able
to ignore the door and retire to the couch by nine o’clock.
Which kept me from getting annoyed and having to start
handing out chocolate-flavored laxatives to the late-comers.

Reminiscingly,

TZ

“Barack Obama took his kids out for Halloween… but he only
let them take candy from households making over $250,000 a
year.” -Jay Leno

 

SPEEDY PASTA
Cook Pasta At Microwave Speed…

Retail Price: $14.99
DEAL PRICE: $9.99

No waiting for a big pot of water to boil. Cook pasta to al
dente perfection in the microwave! Uses less energy and water,
takes half the time of cooking on the stovetop, & there’s no
need to stop the microwave to stir.

Use with spaghetti, fettuccine, macaroni, lasagna noodles,
rotini… almost any type of pasta! The lid has holes for
measuring 1, 2, or 4 servings, and a built-in strainer-no need
for a colander. Cooks evenly without boil-over.
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SPEEDY PASTA - Cook Pasta At Microwave Speed…</a>

 

Two men lost their long-time drinking buddy to alcoholism.
At the funeral, as they passed by the open casket, one
remarked to the other, “Gee, Sam sure look good, doesn’t he?”

The other replied, “Well, he ought to; he hasn’t had a drink
in 3 days.”

 

“I like bobbing for apples on Halloween. Or as Dick Cheney
calls it, ‘apple-boarding.’” -David Letterman

 

PEDI PAWS
Fast… Easy… Gentle…

Retail Price: $19.99
DEAL PRICE: $17.99

PediPaws is the newest and fastest way to keep your pet’s
nails trimmed, rounded and smooth with no mess.

You can easily trim your pet’s nails anywhere without the pain
caused by traditional nail clippers.

The secret is the precision emery filing wheel that gently
removes thin layers of nail to leave your pet’s paws touchably
soft and your home safe from scratches. The unique protective
cap allows only the perfect amount of nail to be removed.

BONUS: Includes the amazing Shed Ender, the professional
de-shedding tool for dogs and cats. It removes shedding hair
trapped in the undercoat and makes their topcoat shine.
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/cn6323
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PEDI PAWS - the easy & gentle way to trim pet nails</a>

 

As I Mature
***********

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and
give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust,
and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about
fifteen minutes,
After that you better have a huge schlong.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting,
long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do,
unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a
relationship is at first,
the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of
money to take its place!

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t
working in your house,
one of your kids did it.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about
in life are taken from you too soon,
and all the less important ones just never go away.

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           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
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  Laffaday Book</a>

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END OF LAFF A DAY
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