Laff-A-Day

Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Beware of “Bedtimes”

June 15th, 2009

Greetings Laff Lovers,

If you receive an email entitled “Bedtimes” delete it
IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it! Apparently this one is pretty
nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard
drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within
20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on
ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access
code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace
field harmonics to scratch any CD’s you attempt to play.
It will program your phone auto dial to call only 1-900
numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.
It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD’S SAKE, ARE YOU
LISTENING?? It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee
table when you are expecting company. It will replace your
shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. If the
“Bedtimes” message opened in a Windows Vista environment,
it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer
plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not
only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN!

Cautiously,

TZ

“Yesterday in New York City, a woman gave birth to a baby
girl while waiting on a subway platform. Witnesses say it
was the third grossest thing happening on the subway plat-
form.” -Conan O’Brien

An Affordable (special liquidation) Battery Operated Stapler
X-Acto Easy Touch Battery Operated Stapler…

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DEAL PRICE: $9.99
Get Two for $15.98

This personal-size stapler automatically fires a staple through
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Ergonomically styled with non-skid rubber feet to protect your
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Grab one for $9.99… or save even more and get two for $15.98

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X-Acto Easy Touch Battery Operated Stapler…

The detective was leafing through the suspect’s cime history
folder. “Hmmm, quite a record.” he said. “Shoplifting, hit-
and-run, disorderly conduct, armed Robbery, sexual assault,
rape, man-slaughter…”

“Yeah, I know.” said the prisoner. “It took me quite a while
to figure out what I was good at.”

“Lil Wayne will be the proud father of two new sons from
two different women. Yeah — the women were Lil Drunk and
Lil Stoned.” -Jimmy Fallon

DIGITAL TIRE PRESSURE GAUGE
No More Inaccurate Readings…

List Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $5.99
Get Two for $9.98

This handy digital tire pressure gauge helps you to insure
your tires are properly inflated. Correctly inflated tires
can help improve the handling, traction and fuel consumption
of your vehicle.

FEATURES:
- Digitally Displays Tire Pressure for Accurate Readings
- Displays Reading for 20 Seconds
- Easy To Use Design
- Perfect Size for Glove Compartment

Grab one for $5.99 or get two for $9.98… and don’t forget
this makes a wonderful gift. VISIT:

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14465/c/120/a/498

DIGITAL TIRE PRESSURE GAUGE No More Inaccurate Readings

A forty-year-old hillbilly carried a younger hillbilly into
the doctor’s office, deposited him on the examining table,
and said, “See if you can patch him up good. I shot up his
rear end like it was a tail on a possum. Don’t hurt him none,
’cause he’s my son-in-law.”

The doctor said, “Why would you shoot your son-in-law?”

The hillbilly said, “He warn’t my son-in-law when I shot him.”

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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:

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