Laff-A-Day

Posts Tagged ‘Jive’

I needed a translator like they have at the UN.

June 30th, 2009

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I walked into the men’s room to drain the lizard, and there
was a guy taking a dump while speaking on the phone.

Naturally I began to eavesdrop. But I’ll be damned if I
could understand what the hell he was talking about.

I heard numbers and regular English words, but I was
completely unable to string together even a sentence—let
alone the meaning of the call.

And so I moved closer to the closed stall, opened my mouth
and listened real hard…

“Oh, no wonder I can’t understand what you are saying—you’re
speaking jive! Thank God. I thought I was going deaf.”

Then the voice came from the other side, “Hold on, Baby, I
got some honky mother fucker othr side da’ doe talkin’ shit.
I’m gonna wipe my ass and den kick his.”

So I got my clean white ass the hell out of there before he
knew who I was.

Incomprehensibly,

TZ

“If you enjoy your alcohol, remember this: If you put your
old, rotten liver under your pillow, the Beer Fairy will
leave you a keg.” –Paul Tomkins

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CAMPER’S SURVIVAL TOOL – Not Just For Camping…

Q: What does an atheist say when she’s having an orgasm?
A: “Darwin! Oh, Darwin!”

“I bought a dog the other day…I named him Stay. It’s fun
to call him…’Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!’ He went
insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.”
–Steven Wright

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The Baltimore Police Department, famous for it’s superior
K-9 unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her
house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police
at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels,
and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the
scene.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog
on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, clapped a hand
to her head and moaned, “I come home from work to find all
my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what
do they do? They send a BLIND policeman.”

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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

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