Laff-A-Day

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Like I mentioned last week I recently had jury duty. So I’m
in the courthouse, in the jury box instead of on the stand
this time, and it’s a case between a young couple whose
vehicle was stolen and the insurance company who thinks that
they made the truck disappear to collect the insurance money.

The case was a joke. I wanted to give the kids their money
because their story had a good chance of being legit, and I
didn’t want to risk setting them back in life. It wasn’t that
tough of a decision.

The scarriest part of the whole thing was spending two days
with my fellow jurors. People like to travel in a pack. No
matter how old they are, no matter the difference in education,
no matter what–people don’t like to be odd in a group. We all
want to fit in.

So in that jury room setting, if one personality voices an
opinion and maintans it in a goodly manner and tugs a few
strings, well then, everyone else will come over to that way
of thinking in short order. Add to the fact that all the jurors
want to get the fuck out of there, and you have a snap decision.

My decision was actually made about a minute into the trial,
but I’m not supposed to admit that. We are supposed to listen
and weight the evidence then decide. I did listen closely, but I
think I was listening for someone to talk me out of my already
made decision. I truly hope justice was served.

Snappily,

TZ

“The Verne Troyer sex tape is out. It looks like a woman
having a baby played in reverse.” -Jimmy Kimmel

 

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After a session of sweaty sex, a satiated man lay in bed
cuddling his new girlfriend as she stroked his limp dick.

Enjoying the caresses, he smiled and said, “You really
seem to like to play with that.”

“I do,” she cooed, “Because I really miss mine.”

 

“Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of
people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.”
 –Walter Kerr

 

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Some of my favorite George W. Bush Quotes:

“I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl,
just like me.” -Nashville, Tenn., May 27, 2004

“Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that
the illiteracy level of our children are appalling.”
 -Washington, D.C., Jan. 23, 2004

“Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies
will be allies against these hateful few who have no con-
science, who kill at the whim of a hat.”
 -Washington, D.C., Sept. 17, 2004

“I want to thank the astronauts who are with us, the
courageous spacial entrepreneurs who set such a wonderful
example for the young of our country.”
 -Washington, D.C. Jan. 14, 2004

“We will make sure our troops have all that is necessary to
complete their missions. That’s why I went to the Congress
last September and proposed fundamental - supplemental
funding, which is money for armor and body parts and am-
munition and fuel.” -Erie, Pa., Sept. 4, 2004

“I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to
have a draft.” -Second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo.,
 Oct. 8, 2004

“Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many
OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all
across this country.” -Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we.
They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country
and our people, and neither do we.”
 -Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

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           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

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END OF LAFF A DAY
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