Greetings Laff Lovers,

Wouldn’t you believe it…out of the 30 or so people they had
waiting to be selected for jury duty they actually picked me.
I couldn’t say anything to get out of it.

When asked if I was prejudiced I said, “Of course not! I don’t
have anything against niggers, spics, wops or kikes, just as
long as I don’t have to deal with the God-damned Irish.”

And the guy said, “Good enough.”

Judicially,

TZ

“Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man
on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.”
 –Terry Pratchett

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HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
***************************************************

 1. She is not a “BABE “or a “CHICK” – She is a
    “BREASTED AMERICAN.”
 2. She is not a “SCREAMER” or a “MOANER” – She is
    “VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.”
 3. She is not “EASY” – She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”
 4. She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” – She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED
    DETOUR OFF THE  INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”
 5. She has not “BEEN AROUND” – She is a “PREVIOUSLY-
    ENJOYED COMPANION.”
 6. She is not an “AIRHEAD” – She is “REALITY IMPAIRED.”
 7. She does not get “DRUNK” or “TIPSY” – She gets
    “CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.”
 8. She does not have “BREAST IMPLANTS” – She is
    “MEDICALLY ENHANCED.”
 9. She is not a “TRAMP” – She is “SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.”
10. She does not have “MAJOR LEAGUE  HOOTERS: – She is
    “PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.”
11. She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” – She is a “LOW COST
    PROVIDER.

Q: What do a fur trapper and a necrophiliac have in common?

A: They are both looking for dead beaver.

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A young couple get married.  As the husband is an avid
golfer, the wife decides to take up golf so she can spend
more time with him.

Knowing nothing about it, she goes to the pro for lessons.
The pro was busy and advised her to get a bucket of balls
and practice until he was through with his present client.
“But I don’t even know how to hold the clubs”  The pro says,
“Just hold it like you would your husband’s penis.”

Some time later, the pro approaches the driving range to
see the woman driving the ball a fair distance.  He says,
“Not bad, but lets take the club out of your mouth.”

————————————————————

           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
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————————————————————

END OF LAFF A DAY
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