Laff-A-Day

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I was listening to the UPS man hitting on a nurse in the foyer.

“What’s your name?” he asked getting his pen ready to write her
number down.

“Kris,” she said.

He hesitated. “Um, how do you spell that? C-H-R-I-S or K-R-I-S?”
I know one is a guy’s name and one is a girl’s, but I never
knew how to tell if ‘Chris’ or ‘Kris’ was male or female.”

“Easy,” I butted in. “By the balls.”

Obviously,

TZ

 

DuPONT SELF-CHARGING SMOKE ALARM

Normal Price: $14.99
DEAL PRICE: $9.99

The DuPont Self-Charging Smoke Alarm is charged by the home’s
electricity, screwing directly into ceiling-mounted light
sockets and track lights without lampshades.

Here’s a convenient and smart way to insure your family and
home’s safety. Screw this unique smoke alarm into an uncovered
ceiling light socket, then screw a bulb into it if you’d like,
and you’re set: the alarm’s built-in back-up battery will now
recharge every time you turn on the light!

Full charge can last up to 30 days without the light switch
being turned on again; a full charge requires the light switch
to be on for a total of two hours (not necessarily continuously).
Alarm fits any standard-base light socket or ceiling fixture
(without a globe), and takes a maximum 60w bulb. Includes 85-db
alarm, low-battery warning signal, and test capability. No
batteries required and no messy hardwire installation. Get
one for $9.99… or get two for $17.98.
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/6k4io4
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/6k4io4“>
DuPONT SELF-CHARGING SMOKE ALARM</a>

 

“The government of China announced that during the Olympics
it will ban restaurants from serving dog meat. Which brings
new meaning to the phrase, ‘Hello, Kitty.’” -Conan O’Brien

 

The highly religious young man entered his wedding chamber
and was shocked to find his new young bride awaiting him,
spread-eagle and naked on their bed.

“My dear!” he exclaimed, “I expected to find you beside our
bed and on your knees!”

“OK,” she said, obediently changing positions, “but I always
get pussy farts when I screw in that position.”

 

“I’ve always wanted to go to Egypt. I’ve seen the pyramids
in Las Vegas, but it’s not the same. The pyramids in Las
Vegas are not surrounded by camels, they’re surrounded by
hookers.” -Craig Ferguson

 

CUP HOLDER CAR ORGANIZER…

Retail Price: $9.99
Deal Price: $4.99
SAVE EVEN MORE: Get 2 for $7.98

What a great idea! That’s what you’ll say the instant you see
this. It’s simple, functional and you’ll wonder why no one
thought of this years ago.

The Cup Holder Car Organizer easily fits into your vehicle’s
cup holder and provides a secure location for your cell phone,
spare keys, pens, pencils, iPod, coins, garage door opener
and other driving necessities. It’s made of soft rubber and
will not scratch LED screens.

Remember you can save even more when you buy two. Get two (2)
for $7.98. They make great gifts. To order, visit:
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/6i7ig6
<a href=”http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/120/a/498/l/6i7ig6“>
CUP HOLDER CAR ORGANIZER…</a>

 

Redneck Sexual IQ Test  

A condom is a large apartment complex. True or False?

Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. True or False?

Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.
True or False?

A menstrual cycle has three wheels. True or False?

A G-string is part of a fiddle. True or False?

Anus is a Latin term for yearly. True or False?

Testicles are found on an Octopus. True or False?

Asphalt describes rectal problems. True or False?

Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True or False?

Fetus is a character on Gun smoke. True or False?

An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. True or False?

A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True or False?

An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir. True
or False?

A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. True or False?

An erection is when Japanese people vote. True or False?

Pornography is the business of making records. True or False?

Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. True or False?

 

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           *** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

  It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
  F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
  <a href=” http://www.gophercentral.com/book/laff.html “>
  Laffaday Book</a>

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END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.