Greetings Laff Lovers,

This appeared in today’s offering from TZ:
“I signed my dog up for welfare. Do you
think he’s eligible? He’s black, lazy and
has no fuckin’ idea who his daddy is.”
This is completely unacceptable and the man
should be yanked from his keyboard. I know
that he is known for his “bawdy” style, but
this is WAY outside of bounds. -Mark

Would it make a difference to you if I made the dog Polish?

Hey TZ, Your intro about dating a midget or
short person had me laughing because I was
banging a woman that was only 4′8″ for over
a year. The good thing was her mouth was
right there to swallow my johnson since I’m
6′5″! 69 is definitely out! Being so short,
her vagina was also small, so I was always
bottoming out. The good thing is that she was
bisexual, loved anal and had a great ass.
Now, if I could only find a tall woman that
was multi-orgasmic as her, loved anal like
her, loved sucking and swallowing like her,
I would be set! -Chuck

You and the rest of the male population of the world, Chuck.

RSVPly,

TZ

“The one human quality that must be developed is self
discipline for success. The will power to force yourself
to do what you know you should do when you should do it,
whether you like it or not, whether you feel like it or
not. Success is tons of discipline.” –Brian Tracy

[Which probably explains why I'm still working for the
man, living paycheck-to-paycheck and I can get my golf
game under 89.]

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Rabbi Levy had to spend time in a Catholic hospital. He
became friends with the Sister who was a nurse there. One
day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix
on the wall was missing.

She asked him good-naturedly, “Rabbi, what have you done
with the crucifix?”

“Oh, sister,” chuckled Rabbi Levy, “I just figured one
suffering Jew in this room was enough.”

A young boy knows about sex and where babies come from because
his mother told him that “the man puts his penis inside the
woman and she gets pregnant.”

A few days later, after pondering this for some time, the boy
asks in all the innocence and wonder of a child, “Does the man
ever get his penis back?”

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Ladies – Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half
and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Woman – Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and
drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Ladies – Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of
a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Woman – Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of
the cone, for Pete’s sake. You are probably lying on the
couch in your bathrobe, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Ladies – To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in
the bag with the potatoes.

Real Woman – Buy boxed mashed potato mix and keep it in the
pantry for up to a year.

Ladies – When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking
pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t
be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Real Woman – Go to the bakery – they’ll even decorate it for
you.

Ladies – If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex
dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes
opening jars easy.

Real Woman – Go ask the very cute neighbor guy to do it.

And finally the most important tip….

Ladies – Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze
into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Real Woman – Leftover wine??

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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:

Laffaday Book

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END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2009 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.