Greetings Laff Lovers,
I came home to an empty house last night because my wife and
my sister-in-law took all the kids to the Wisconsin Dells to
have some water park fun (didn’t I just send her to Vegas a
few months ago?). At least I get to relax in a nice, quiet
house for a few days!
Until I opened the fridge and found nothing to eat. So I
checked the freezer and we didn’t even have a frozen pizza.
No bagels, no bread… Chocolate milk and Fruity Pebbles
were the only two things I could find to eat.
In my life I have never even tried Fruity Pebbles, and I
haven’t had a glass of chocolate milk in years–but last
night they were dinner. And I gotta say, it sucked as bad
as it sounds.
I know I could have ordered a pizza or gone out to get some-
thing, but it was late and I had a lot of porn surfing to
do. Oh well, tonight I’ll stop at that Tai place on my way
home–I think the back room doubles as a brothel and I may
be able to get a handjob with dinner.
Hungrily,
TZ
“The Environmental Protection Agency says that traces of
pharmaceuticals have been found in rivers and lakes all
across the country. This can lead to very serious side
effects like fish with erections lasting more than four
hours.” -Craig Ferguson
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10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first
date 20% of the men had sex in a non- traditional place 36%
of the women favor nudity 45% of the women prefer dark men
with blue eyes 46% of the women experienced anal sex 70% of
the women prefer sex in the morning 80% of the men have never
experienced homosexual relations 90% of the women would like
to have sex in the forest 99% of the women have never ex-
perienced sex in the office.
Conclusion: Statistically speaking, you have a better chance
of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the
forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.
Moral: Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever
come of it.
“Many people are complaining that Obama is becoming too
scripted. Last night he was having an intimate moment with
Michelle and she said, ‘Wait a minute — are reading from a
teleprompter?’” -Jimmy Fallon
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Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns
Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I
set off for work in my Volvo 1800 leaving my husband in the
house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a
mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s
help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in
our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is
34, and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they
had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him
to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has
been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him
very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has
become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counseling and
I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
Dear Sheila: An 1800 stalling after being driven a short
distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.
Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line.
If it is clear, check the vacuum lines and hoses on the in-
take manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of
these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel
pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the
carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
-Walter
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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
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END OF LAFF A DAY
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