Greetings Laff Lovers,

I managed to get in 72 holes of golf over the long weekend
and now I’m paying for it. Both my shoulder and my back are
killing me. The odd thing is that I felt great yesterday.
It’s the lack of consistent activity that does it.

The problem, as I see it, is work. If I could cut my hours
down to around 20 hours a week I could play golf four or
five days a week and never give my body a chance to stiffen
up. I wonder if Magilla would even miss me.

Optimistically,

TZ

5-In-1 Multi Purpose Slicer
Shred, Slice, Mash, Scrape & more…

List Price: $19.99
DEAL PRICE: $9.99
Get two for $15.98

All you have to do is take your favorite fresh vegetable
(carrots, onions, mushrooms, zucchini) hold it in place with
the safety handle and slide it along any of the 4 slicing tools.
The pieces fall into the bowl, so you can dump out all your
vegetables at once into a salad, stir-fry, soup, or anything else.

You’ll love how it easily shreds, slices, and grates your food
and keeps it in the below bowl… not flying everywhere.
Makes it easy to just dump your veggies in a pot, pan or salad.

CONTAINS:
- Mandoline-Style Slicer – Two (2) Different Sized Graters
- Shredder – Scraper (great for zesting)
- Food Holder Safety Handle – Bowl with Built In Strainer

I didn’t even mention all the cabinet and drawer space you’ll
save! This one item stores easily in a cabinet and allows you
to get rid of so many other items you have.

Grab one for $9.99 or two (makes a great gift) for $15.98. Visit:

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14533/c/120/a/498

5-In-1 Multi Purpose Slicer…

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes
to the accounting software, severely limiting access to
wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated
flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product
brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other
valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip
2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable
programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0,
Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes
the system. Under no circumstances will it run Diaper-
Changing 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I’ve tried running
Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose
utility is of limited effectiveness.

Can you help please?!

Jane

Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but is
mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade
from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that
Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.

However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed
by its creator to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to
Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do
this.

Hidden operating files within your system would cause
Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
files from the system, once installed.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I would suggest you
read the entire section regarding General Partnership
Faults (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0,
secretly installed by the parent company as an integral
part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL
responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of
root cause. To activate this great feature enter the
command “C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME”

Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while
entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the
applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can
create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately
YOU may have to give a C:\APOLOGIZE command before the
system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also
cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or
worse yet, Beer 6.0.

Continued below…

Silky Smooth by Body Trends
Hair Removal That’s Easy, Safe & Painless…

List Price: $14.99
Deal Price: $7.99
Get Two (2) For: $11.98

Body Trends Silky Smooth painlessly removes hair and
it’s pain free! It gently exfoliates while removing
hair, leaving your skin soft and smooth. No Pain. No
Chemicals. No Razor Burn.

The secret are the superfine flex-crystals that buff away
unwanted hair, leaving your skin so soft and incredibly
smooth. The dual action system exfoliates as it removes
unwanted hair. Works great on sensitive areas, leaving skin
soft, smooth and supple.

Best of all… it’s safe for legs, forearms, upper lip, bikini
line and much more!

Each Package Includes:
- 1 Travel Case
- 1 Large Applicator
- 1 Small Applicator
- 4 Large flex-crystal replacement pads
- 4 Small flex-crystal replacement pads

Remember get one for $7.99 or get two for $11.98, VISIT:

http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14422/c/120/a/498

Silky Smooth Hair Removal by Body Trends

Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to
create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that
are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by
following this tech tip!

Just remember, the system will run smoothly and take the
blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it
can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend
5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve performance.
I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience
10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help
keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of
use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many
valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThings 2.1,
Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances,
install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application,
and will cause selective shut down of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 or
Golfing 2.3 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to
install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you
the best of luck in coming years. “We trust you will learn
to fully enjoy this product!

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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***

It’s Available. The Laffaday Book… Check it out, it’s
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:

Laffaday Book

———————————————————————————————–

END OF LAFF A DAY
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